Me in EN
Same old Cat.
I smile widely and I feel so good!
In contrast with my expectations, I didn’t even need a single second to get used to my new self. She kept trimming and trimming my until-today’s hair, and we kept talking as if it was any of the previous times when no big change was in the plan. And I did see as it got shorter, but I just didn’t feel any different to how I was before.
At a certain moment, it was very short at my back and above my ears, and slightly longer on the top, and after having it washed it looked so amazing in all directions, beautiful enough for me to say Stop right there. Lidia wanted to try it, considering it a safer version I guess. And I faced a huge temptation, as it looked really good. But I expected this I guess, thinking that she might try something nice on me, nice enough that would stop me from going until the end. But I was prepared not to leave her place without my most wanted haircut. The temptation was huge though and it took me a couple of minutes to decide. Eventually I said: cut it short completely, and that’s it!
And so she did, I and liked it; the sensation it gave to me was way more pleasant than the one I had with my previous haircut. It’s pure, it’s beautiful, it’s simple. It’s wonderful! I didn’t feel anything was missing, anything at all. And although it sounds funny, I didn’t feel I had changed in any way, just like I wouldn’t have had a new haircut. I was expecting a new feeling, but if there isn’t any, I guess this change was already inside me.
I am the same Cat., beautiful, free, but moreover, at peace with herself
created on the 15th February 2011, read it here in Romanian (pictures included)
This is what I want
Tomorrow I’ll have my hair cut very short, at equal length all around (in Romanian we call it „toothbrush”). Ever since I’ve decided this, two days ago, I feel certain nervousness, almost a fright. A friend asked me what I think might be the reason, but I wasn’t able to answer. All I knew was that I really wanted to do it.
But today I have the answer. I am really nervous about meeting myself. Tomorrow I’ll be naked in front of my being and I’ll have to accept me the way I am, with goods and bads, with more or less pleasant shapes, however perfect or imperfect my head will be. And to love me as imperfect as I am.
I felt such a relief in these last ten minutes, since I’ve discovered the reasons of my state! These last years I’ve found myself in a conscientious (and continuous) process of personal development, but I’ve only started to work on the part about my self-acceptance in January 2010. That was the moment when I realized how many important things derive from it: self confidence, the easy-goingness around people, disappearance of any inhibitions, acceptation of people around me etc. It was then when I wrote in capitals on the first page of my new year diary: This is you and you are just OK! And I’ve been working on this since, by wearing clothes that I haven’t had the courage to wear previously (maybe thinking that they don’t advantage my body and people won’t like me), or doing actions that I lacked courage to do before (because certain people – close to me – wouldn’t have agreed to them. Basically, I listened more to myself, following my ideas and wants, although that meant that I should face the disapproval of those around me. The idea was not to be against everyone, but to accept that there are people that may not approve my decisions and yet, to act according to my own will.
There’s something about this haircut that I’ve always found appealing. It conveys so much simplicity, openness, purity of soul! And I always lacked the guts to do it as I felt the need, just figure, to know that it would suit me and that people would approve my decision and still considered me a pleasant or likeable person. Now I am ready to accept that there will be people that would disapprove of my decision, but that doesn’t mean they don’t consider me a likable person anymore. Now also myself, I am ready to accept (if there will be the case) that it might not suit me very well, but I’ll keep it for a while because I like this haircut style.
Now I feel the need of having this haircut just like I need the air for breathing.
created on 14th February 2011, read it here in Romanian
Dancing is one of my great joys in life.
I miss dancing… I miss it so much that I couldn’t stop myself thinking about it the whole day today. I’m not sure if most of you still know this, but in Transylvania people dance quite a lot, especially in the smallest cities and villages. We have more balls and weddings than someone raised in a big city (or in the south) could imagine.
In Rupea (Brasov county) we organize balls for Christmas, where we wear our beautiful traditional costumes, in the big Ball Hall of the city. For Pentecoste we wear the same costumes but outside, up in the Grigore Forest, as we call it and sometimes for St. John’s celebration if the Christmas caroling brought the young lads enough money.. We celebrate by dancing also on the Fosnich Day (usually on the 24th of January although I’m not sure it’s spelt like that as it’s a word left to us orally by the Saxons in Transylvania) which is actually the moment when a certain community of people get together to discuss matters occurred over the previous year and plan the next ones, ending it with a nice dancing party. Then, we can praize with having several weddings to attend each year, most likely so many because here, in these regions with small towns and villages, everyone knows everyone and people maintain relationships easily; here, people visit each other more often and one is easily considered a friend or a “close”. We sometimes decide to participate in some events because we feel we should, not necessarily because we want to, as you’re maybe considered close ones of the organizer you should feel ashamed if you didn’t. But you must know that basically almost everyone dances, they just start learning it from an early age. Our dances are “dances for two”, meaning that we dance them always in pairs: a waltz now, then a tango, then an invartita (traditional dance in which the pair spins a lot around each other, in both ways) or what we call a “fox”, which could be any modern dance, danced in a way adapted for a pair, with special steps and movements of the arms. Of course we have some group dances, medleys, but fewer in comparison. I was very surprised to find out that here, in the south, young people consider these dances as being for their parents’ age only.
I mostly love these dances for two, they have a special charm. I can also dance like in a club, on my own, but I get bored easily after a couple of songs as all it’s required to do is to move from one foot to the other :-). In two, moreover if you’re a girl, it’s very different as you let yourself carried away by your partner and it’s even more fantastic if he’s a good dancer. 😀 Here, in the capital, there’s no way I could live such moments. I keep hoping that maybe, one day, all the Transylvanian people living in Bucharest will have their own club where they would organize such nice events.. How wonderful would that be? Anyway, I will remain forever grateful to the Saxons that left us with this beautiful habit of organizing balls and dancing :-).
Well, taking into account that in Transylvania around 70% of the people find it very easy to dance when they have the opportunity, I believe that dancing is not an activity made only for the very few people with innate talent. When presented the opportunity, I am sure that even the “city” people could learn to dance by practicing every now and then and they would surely enjoy it in no time! The reason I think about this is that dancing brings us many things: exercise, energy, relaxation, stimulates our creativity, allows us to be ourselves and free and helps us socialize through other means than just words. And yes, it involves connecting yourself to feelings, those things that we happen to ignore more and more these days. To cut it short: dancing benefits the mind, body and spirit :-).
So everyone, dance!
created on 7th February 2011, read it here in Romanian
We are lonely
These last few days I’ve constantly noticed that a large amount of people are lonely. I refer mostly to a loneliness of their soul. Their souls scream of loneliness.
Since the beginning of this month I’ve been part of a project that involved filling in some questionnaires, so I talked to a few dozen people whom I asked to rate from 1 to 5 certain aspects of the activity of a company. As expected, women were a lot more talkative than men. But except this, I noticed in all of them a huge need of sharing their grief, regardless if I asked them about it or not. There was someone over there interested in their opinion on a certain subject so they seemed to forget they had some rules to follow in formulating their answers. The most important thing for them in that moment was that someone was willing to listen to them. I could feel their big desire of talking about what bothered them.
I am thinking that maybe people aren’t used to discussing matters that they carry on their souls, they’ll sooner deal with the „concrete” things in their lives that seem more urgent. Anyway I don’t even think someone would encourage them to. Talking about soul matters is often a discouraged activity. I am fortunate to have quite a few people around me who understand this and would be at any time ready to do it, but I certainly know from my own experience that these discussions are generally avoided and laughed at; they don’t find it easy to treat this subject, they wouldn’t know how to start it. The only thing is that our soul is eventually catching up on us, screaming of pain and solitude. He just needs some attention. And it hurts me to see that people don’t have anyone to talk to because there’s no one out there to listen. It hurts me that so many people are lonely.
created on 10th November 2010, read it here in Romanian
Every morning I look out of my window and see the roof of the house across the street. Pretty much always there are two sea gulls chatting up there. They look like they’d be inspectors. They keep looking around them and then turn their heads towards each other and make comments. They remind me of how people in the countryside are when they get out of their house and spend time talking in front of it, to help pass the time. Can you remember us watching them and laughing? The seagulls make a funny noise when they talk and they really seemed to be in a proper council!
This morning there was only one of them. Strange. I had never seen only one sitting over there. And he was there all alone looking around him, agitated, uncomfortable. I get my head out of the window and ask him: You are missing you partner, aren’t you, little fellow?
I rush to get a blank piece of paper and a pencil to write everything down as I feel it. I come back to the window and raise my head to see him only after writing my first sentence but he had already flown away. I wrote everything from memory. I do wonder though: did he go to search for his partner so that they can be together again?
created on 7th November 2010, read it here in Romanian
On December 19, my Birthday
Today is my birthday! The most special day of the year 🙂 And my heart is full of joy every time I see the date 19 December or 19.12 written in some place.
I spent it in such a pleasant way than i keep thinking how many feelings filled it today (it seems like 2 days have passed :-)! As usual in these last 6 years, there’s been no December 19 without a SOUND rehearsal or concert. Therefore, today I spent more than 3 hours in the joy of singing (Songs from the period before ’89, as a preparation for tomorrow’s concert). It was wonderful! God, having the opportunity to sing somewhere brings me such a great joy! Music is the centre of my universe, how can’t it be incredibly beautiful to spend part of my day singing?
Anyway in this period we go along and sing many, many carols to the Christmas parties that we are invited to and it makes me feel ecstatic! Being able to bring the joy of Christmas in people’s hearts and homes is one of the most fulfilling things on earth! Of course, being able to bring peace to people’s hearts through music in general is a true blessing and it brings one an immense joy. There was no truly happy or profoundly sad moment in my life where music was not present until now. Music has been my most loyal friend, a trustworthy pal joining me in my most difficult and lonely moments. I can hear, listen to, understand, appreciate music and not last I can sing and I got all these gifts from God on 19 December 1983 at 22:47 when I arrived to this world in my hometown Rupea from Brasov county.
A few days ago a friend asked me to help him with his French homework: a composition that should use the “Si Conditionnel” and should have the following title “If you did not exist”. I instantly knew that he would perfectly agree with me if I wrote the following:
If you did not exist, this world would be incredibly sad.
You know how to be sunny, cheerful and peaceful. Without you I would lose myself completely in the daily madness and gray. If your caresses did not exist, I would forget I still have a soul I should pay attention to in this life. If I didn’t meet you every now and then, with whom could I share my happiness and sorrow? If you disappeared, I would lose my best friend. You know how to calm me and give me energy, you know how to inspire and make me feel well. You accompany me in the most important moments of my life.
If you did not exist, who would understand my craziness, confusions and fears? Who would lift me up from the pit (hollow) that I fall into sometimes? Who would take my hand to take em away, away to the greatest happiness of all?
You come out of people’s hearts. I love you, music!
For how long haven’t you been looking up while walking?
Cold observation: October morning. It’s been quite cold this month. Today it seemed a little bit better. Messy pavements though. God, there’s so much dirtiness on the streets. Ntz, ntz, ntz… I pass by a bit hasty, somehow absent. Going to the doctor’s. Not even looking where I was going, people might think: “These youngsters, always with their head in the clouds! Just look at her broad grin, who knows which boy she’s thinking about, some last night adventure…”
Warm reality: October morning. Reaaaaaaaly beautiful outside, it’s so good the warm weather came back for a few more days. Walking on the pavement under the trees that allow me to catch a glimpse of the buildings bathed in the 07:45 o’clock morning sun across the street. How joyful they look like on the light blue background sky! I simply adore that contrast. Listening to a rock band I recently discovered, filling me with an optimistic, cheerful energy. My feet greet in passing yellow leaves that have only just gotten up and I feel like turning while walking, my hands in the air: This just makes me so happy!!! A huge smile gets installed on my face and I’m well because I looked up to see that wonder.
created on October 2008, read it here in Romanian
The craziness of being in love
Why are people afraid of being in love? Or maybe they’re not afraid of it, but they just don’t let themselves go completely. Yesterday I was talking to someone who was saying: “well, I am not in my twenties anymore to fall so easily…”; she said this as a comparison with a 20 year old person we both know who fell in love recently and is constantly daydreaming since.
Of course you become cautious with time, sometimes even too cautious :-). But God, it’s so worth feeling its full impact on you and it’s so worth enjoying it with all your heart everytime it appears into your life. I see it as a gift, as a chance to throw off the numbness that had taken over us, as a chance to become younger inside and to smile wiiiiiiiidely, as an excuse to get out laughing in the sun and with people, to daydream often and to see everythink in pink.
There’s nothing near to the feeling of meeting the one so dear to you, when you get lost in their eyes and don’t seem to notice anything else around you! If would like to remember the feeling, here’s a little help for you: Ronan Keating – The way you make me feel: That’s the way you make me feel, it’s better than I’ve ever known it, better it’s ever been, I can’t seem to control it…
created on the 6th of September 2010, read it here in Romanian
When we are not able to find serenity within ourselves, it’s useless to look for it elsewhere. La Rochefoucauld
I love silence more than you can imagine. And by silence I mean that inner peace you feel when you can close your eyes, content that your life in that moment is pretty much arranged, that nothing’s about to explode for a while and you can enjoy a few instants of relaxation. We are talking about a few instants with you. Or maybe a few instants with someone else, still in silence, maybe looking yourselves in the eyes, smiling, cherishing the fact that you have each other. Or it can be a few instants spent in a million other ways, the most important thing being that they are instants when you are fully aware of your wellbeing, when you are happy with who you are and what you have. And you remain like that, totally naked in front of your conscience and in front of God; and you are well. You’re at peace. You empty your mind of any other thoughts and you simply breathe, then breathe again… and again. People next to whom I find this peace are rare. Our lives are full of noise, adds, publicity, shouting, TV nonstop, useless chatting, things said just to hear ourselves speaking, opinions given in excess without being asked from us, empty words, too many thoughts that overwhelm and worry us, actions we take without agreeing completely to them and then they follow and torment us and many, many others; I’d better stop because I had already entered a negative mood, just by thinking about them 🙂
We just need to stop our engines every now and then. There was a time for running, sweating, exhausting ourselves, now there is time to stop and regain our breath. We deserve it. I wish you can all find the right method and moment for resting your mind and your soul. Feel the silence!
I received the lines below in a chain email, I don’t know whom they belong to, but they’re soooo true; they inspired me to write today’s post: «You arrived to this world having silence inside you… you were born with it in a world where noises are taken for sounds and rumor for music. You are a sea of unbroken silence that moves the whole universe. The silence comes from everything you are; the truly important things in life happen in the silence of your mind: birth, joy, breath, heartbeat, pray, love, welcoming gesture, seasons changing, sunrises and sunsets, bloom and fructification… Silence helps us gather ourselves when we are spread in too many directions, orientate ourselves when we are lost, understand each other when we are judgemental, to love when it seems that noone love us! Don’t let the world’s noises to break your silence! There’s nothing more valuable than this silence that allows us to constantly communicate with our heart…That place where God finds himself in each and every one of us.»
created on 12th May 2010, read it here in Romanian
Why the SOUND Choir?
Before announcing the winner of the Grand Prix of the Festival that I told you about in my previous post, the President of the Jury, Mr. Zaprov Zapro, said: “in order to be successful in the music field you need skills, knowledge and intelligence”. As I saw that our style of interpretation is in general awarded wherever we go, I started to ask myself: why us? What do we have so special that sometimes we step in front of professional choirs all over Europe? I found my answer in Mr. Zapro’s line.
Why skills? That’s obvious: yes, you need good voices. Sometimes the “good” comes from trained voices, and there are times when “good” comes from natural pure voices that manage to convey a certain emotion and this is our case. But “good” is subjective. Moreover, I’d also like to include here the national heritage of a country, we can consider it “its skill”. Romania’s rhythms have always enchanted people everywhere.
Why knowledge? Well, talent matters a lot, but without a proper professional touch the success could never be complete. In our case, and I hope I won’t offend anyone with this phrase, our professional touch is our conductor. It might sound stupid, but there are conductors that misinterpret or don’t pay attention to the indications given by the composers on the original scores. There are conductors that don’t try to place the song in the cultural and historical context of its time in order to find out the way it should be sung. Our conductor does. And he makes all sorts of connections between the different choral works that we sing, he knows well the evolution of the music, who influenced what and how so that he has the capacity to choose and build a proper repertoire. From this point on, only knowledge mixed with intelligence makes the difference between good choirs and very good choirs.
Why intelligence? As in any other context, a plus of intelligence changes everything even in music; in this case, the intelligence of the choir and of the conductor lies in the following things:
– Team work: Constantly listening to the colleagues near us and to the whole choir, the desire and conscious effort of harmonizing with them, of being One, the intelligence of knowing your boundaries, your place and your part in the choir. Difficult to achieve and we still need to work on this 😀
– Choice of repertoire: an intelligent conductor knows the exact abilities of his choir and chooses the right repertoire for this, not under or much over the real possibilities. He knows our strengths and weaknesses and chooses repertoires that put them in value, or that respectively hide them. Also, he looks at the aspects required by a certain competition or a concert’s theme and adapts the repertoire accordingly. Mr. Voicu Popescu does all that. He knows and does not hide the fact that our strength lies in the capacity of sharing with our listeners the emotion and joy of singing. With the time, his art of harmonizing our voices turned us into very sensitive singers. We’ll always sing choral works that bring comfort, joy and strong emotions to those who listen to us 🙂 We would probably never base a great part of our repertoire on heavy, undigestible works.
– Choice of language: In my opinion a very important role is played by the specific Romanian musicality; actually, there are no proper English words for this, but it’s some sort of tenderness of the folklore love songs, some sort of pure joy in our folklore dances, some sort of strong emotional feeling in the prayers of our orthodox works that is enjoyed by everyone who listens to us. All these things make our music pleasant in the ears of our audiences. But the strength lies in the way you actually manage to communicate all these feelings while singing. Our professor is again the key to all this: Mr. Voicu Popescu, the conductor of the SOUND Choir, tries always to find the right spirit of a choral work and then he helps us get to that emotional state that makes us interpret it as that respective work truly deserves to be interpreted; he always sais that if you don’t start singing music with your soul, you’d better stop singing. In a way, this is a very sensitive aspect for many professional choirs. They have musical studies, their techniques are surely very good, but they forget to enjoy it; singing is their job. For us, singing is our pleasure. But don’t worry, we forget about our souls too once in a while, except that Mr. Voicu Popescu is always there to direct our attention to the words we sing, to the melody, to the emotion that the song aims to spread around. He works with amateur voices, so in order to obtain the qualitative sound he wants from us he needs to put his demands in simple, non-technical words. More than once we were told that we sound like professionals do. Our greatest strength is the sensitivity of our interpretation. So instead of using very specialized language, Mr. Voicu Popescu tells us always what kind of emotion we should express with a certain musical phrase. And he really makes it…
– Choice of attitude: always modest, he keeps his feet on the ground no matter what great successes he has with his choirs, being aware that a great success also makes you more responsible for your future actions. Respectful and kind, everybody that gets in contact with him (conductors, jury, organizers, hotel staff, bus drivers, guides, choir members) likes him instantly because he spreads a positive feeling. He is distinguished and noticed because of this and believe me, this helps. He also has a great charisma, it’s really not hard at all to like him. So, if we add that to the professionalism he makes proof of, we get a successful presence.
– Consciousness of his/our aim: Professor Voicu Popescu is a very efficient and pragmatic person, always having in mind the purpose that we set for a certain action. This is why we can always rely on his decisions, knowing that he follows and adapts his strategies according to all these important criteria. We never regretted for having let us into his hands.
I’m sure there are a lot of other strengths that would be worth to mention, like pedagogical skills, the great sense of humor, the authenticity, the positive attitude, the courage and many, many others. All these have influenced this choir in its 16 years of existence, have shaped and defined the actual SOUND Choir. So, why the SOUND Choir? Because of its SOUND.
created on 1st Sept 2010, read it here in Romanian
We did it again!
I still have with me the explosion of joy that I felt when they announced that the Grand Prix of the 3rd International Choral Festival of Ohrid, Macedonia, 26-30 August 2010 goes to…. SOUND Choir, Romania!
I don’t know what followed in the ceremony hall in the next minutes, as I just didn’t stop jumping up and down, screaming like a mad and applauding. The feeling is incontrollable and we were all unstoppable. I guess I had some more conscientious colleagues that at a certain point started to shout the name of our conductor and later on they started to chant the name of Romania followed by rhythmic applauses, just like on a stadium. Everybody must have believed that we’re crazy, starring at how we manifest our joy; but soon, more and more people joined our group of sustainers. There were other 4 Romanian choirs in the competition so the Romanian presence was quite important in the hall.
This feeling is still so present into my soul, that I could just close my eyes and replay everything 🙂 In the end someone called us on the stage and we sang again and everyone was standing and applauding. The other participants were really fair play, even if, believe me, the competition was extremely strong. There were 36 choirs, most of them coming from the ex-soviet countries that have a very strong choral tradition; people sing since they are little, so they develop very good voices with the time. They get to sing really complex compositions, sometimes difficult to enjoy from the musicality point of view and usually it’s quite difficult to get into their world, let’s say. The Romanian interpretation style is different and they could have been reluctant to award it. I must say that there was another choir very different from them (just like us), Maennerstimmel Basel, a very good and professional men choir from Switzerland, that didn’t get into the final, they only got one of the second prizes. Don’t know why, it seemed a little bit unfair, but this is the way it was.
To resume: the SOUND Choir got the Grand Prix, as I said, and also the Diploma for the best performance for the interpretation of a Macedonian composition. The song was called “Do tri momi” and we really enjoyed singing it; it’s a very cheerful and playful traditional song composed by Dragan Shuplevsky. I’ll add the link here when we’ll receive the recordings from the competition (hopefully).
It seems that the way we present the Romanian folklore and religious music keeps impressing the juries all over Europe. I wondered why and I found one of the answers that I decided to detail in my following article. But in a nutshell: of course you need good voices, of course you need good music knowledge, but that’s just not enough. Everything lies in the end in the emotion that you share with the audience while singing, and this is due in great part to our professor’s ability and power to conduct the SOUND choir. His name is Voicu Popescu and he is also the conductor of the Romanian Radio Children’s Choir in Bucharest. As the years go by, I keep observing the various projects he brings to reality, the way he develops as a professional conductor and the way people he works with develop not only as professionals but as human beings. But let me detail all that in my next post.
This big award is not bringing us very much joy, but also much responsibility for the future. Coming home with such a distinction is very satisfying and I hope we made our country proud too. As long as we’ll have Mr. Voicu Popescu by our side, we will keep fighting to represent the Romanian culture and traditions the best way we can.
created on the 1st Sept 2010, read it here in Romanian
What I miss
I miss warm people.
I miss profound people.
I miss wise people.
In fact I miss everything they can offer to me. Yes, I know, I am a beggar. I can be often seen around them, maybe I can infect myself with a bit more optimism, courage, desire of freedom, beauty. I am extremely glad when I discover more persons like that, as I do not only feel that the ideal world that I imagine exists, but that there’s a far better world than it. I would be capable of listening for many days in a row these persons speaking, I would continuously provoke them to discutions, to find out more, to make them share with me, to learn.
I know I am demanding. But I don’t think I want the impossible. People that I reffer to are those who cherish simple things, who enjoy greeting people, who say „Thank you” looking you in the eye, who jib at remaining sincere, who respect other people’s freedom and intimacy and fight every day for their own, who were well raised, who shut up more that they speak, yet they convey so much through this silence!
They are people who sing carols, who seize the day, who always find something to improve about themselves, who know what they’re worth and who recompense themselves for the successes obtained.
I am talking about those people with that sparkle in their eyes that says everything. In my life, they are called: Cami, Mr. Voicu, Mrs Marilena, Bobby, Dorothea, Marcela, father Siluan, Razvan, Sorin, Sylvain, My Class teacher from gymnasium, Tomitza, Anca and Oana. Thank you for existing in this world!
created in 2008, read it here in Romanian
Lately I noticed that it was enough just to send a thought in a certain direction and it immediately got true. It’s mostly an innocent thought like « it would be great if… », it’s not a request, a prayer, said repetedly. It works even if the same thought comes to my mind several days in a row, when I really want something.
I keep imagining God sitting and listening to us… I wonder how is it to look down to the Earth and to be able to hear each and every human being. He must be having a « todolist » with « tasks » like: Sunday – from 10:00 to 12:00 Who does what at the church; from 12:00 to 13:00 Who is still doing good deeds; from 13:00 to 15:00 What do people wish for these days etc Getting here he sets his radio on the Continents’ frequence and starts listening, also taking notes. He must be having a « software » when he fills in everyone’s history, for reffering to it later on when he needs to decide what to do. Surely he sets also « reminders » for wishes not granted on the spot. Anyway, he needs true « skills » of « time management » and… English!
Joking or not, I stopped seing God as a gloomy character that doesn’t like to joke, doesn’t have the sense of humour and doesn’t under any circumstance allow rules breaking. Dorothea, an angel sent by God to this earth also for me, taught me this some while ago and I remember being reluctant to such an inconceivable and outrageous thing. But she was right. Her eyes were shining with happiness while telling me what a nice « fello » God is, insisting on his cheerful side. People don’t look at him in this way unfortunately. But I think he got just right this version that I imagined on his life.
And you can be sure that this cooler wheather returned for at least one day just because these days I kept wishing for wearing at least one time more a certain « warmer » outfit. So yes, it’s my fault, you know now who to blame!
created on 13 May 2009, read it here in Romanian
Another miracle happened tonight. It’s been a week since I wanted to write about Hugging but I always had the feeling that something was missing: the music. Hugging means the most to me in this world, it’s the gesture that conveys the most out of all. Putting it into words needed a song that inspired me, if not even a true hug. And I received both…
First, I gave a hug, knowing it was wanted. Later on I begged for one, I was already in the mood. And then I felt sorry I didn’t have the song, I didn’t have it! I got home and my sister sent me a link on messenger, from a film she has been pushing me to see this whole week; I was thinking to open it tomorrow, as now I only wanted to search for something that could take me into the writing mood for Hugging. I didn’t have the guts to postpone her, I hit Play and I got petrified: it sounded delicate, warm and calm. It sounded like the peacefulness you feel when someone hugs you… and you stay still, quiet and you sense… you close your eyes and enjoy with all your heart that that person is with you. You longed for this so much and it finely came true! You lock him against you and you forget to breathe. You’re safe now, everything’s fine ‘cause he’s with you saying “Don’t worry, it’s the two of us now. Nothing will be difficult anymore!” You feel relieved and you’re happy!! A happiness that floods you without previously getting to knock at your door and fulfills you, satisfies you, charging you with the most amazing experience; it is there to take you up on the highest peak of happiness. You feel soooo fine, you smile widely…! You’re into ecstasies about your new status and you glorify God for giving us a soul. In his goodness, he gave us also this hug thinking that we deserve it. He sent it to us when he saw we had the mind and heart ready to receive it properly.
Thank you Laurentiu. Thank you Dana. Your hugs brought peace to my evening.
created on 1 June 2009, read it hear in Romanian
My life is a waltz
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, today I floated on waltz rythm, with a professionnal dancer, on the stage on a festival, being watched by about 100 persons :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))).
And I gliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiided along, laughing, the world was mine, one of my ardent dreams was just coming true! „Well miss, I see you manage quite well!” And we were turning, I have no idea what song it was and I don’t even care, all I knew was that I had never been happier! The stars on my teeth were glittering resplendently in the sun and I was happy. Then I kept watching them on stage, we had an hour full of waltzes, once with their pairs, once with the public. I had never “lived” so many waltzes on a square metre. I mingled with their moves, I was the flounce of a dress, I was the veil the wind wrapped around the pair, carresing them and then lifting it up like it was flying; even the birds above the Atheneum were waltzing in that moment. Receiving such a joy when I was least expecting it..
I asked for another waltz after half an hour, but my demand was declined. 😦 Very sad; only on my way home I realised that this was one of those refusals that I keep asking for lately to help me become stronger and not let them hurt me anymore. I didn’t like refusals. 🙂 Now I am happy. I got the best surprise ever‚ because the waltz is the rythm of my life. It’s the one thing that I love at most and that I desire to live.
P.S. I asked an american lady that took some pictures there: “Pleeeeease send them to me too!!!” And she did, she and her husband were wonderful. Here it is
created on 19 June 2009, read it here in Romanian
The one for you
This question used to torment me several years ago. In the end I managed to relax telling myself that you can feel when they’re “the one”. In that moment you won’t have any questions anymore, you’ll just KNOW it. These days I heard a very good answer to this question:
Q: How can you know that he is the one for you?
A: The one for you is the person by whom your soul takes its rest.
created on 19 June 2009, read it here in Romanian
I am a child.
People always wonder about how I can live in my ideal world and how naive I can be. I leave them be. I still feel I never lost anything (on a long run) by being so sincere that people remain astonished, so confident in the Good of this world, always having childish hopes, they say. I keep away of trickeries and lies‚ cause it’s so good to feel clean! I am fine; I fall asleep very well with my conscience next to my pillow, I don’t try to be who I’m not and, recently, I have decided not to tire myself anymore to please everyone in this world. Anyway, there’ll always be someone discontent, for various reasons, that may not have anything to do with me. All I can do is to do my job as well as possible. That’s it.
Yet, I do something different: I try every day to bring the smile on the faces of people around me and I never miss an opportunity to make them feel special. I recognize their merits on the spot, as NOW happens only one time. I help a lot, but only those that help themselves first.
And that’s about it. As the song says: „This is me, there’s nothing I can do about it, there’s no other girl my mother can bring to this world”